2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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