u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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