Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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