it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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