Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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