so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
