This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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