p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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