My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
