We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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