the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
