Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
