sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
