Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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