then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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