Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize