i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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