I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
