That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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