You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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