Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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