Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
