Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
well you can't waste a boner
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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