dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
