ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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