Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
