he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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