i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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