He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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