Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
