I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
