My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
