Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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