i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize