Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
