the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
