I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
