Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
