ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
