omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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