what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
