There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
