next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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