I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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