1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
