I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
