just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize