Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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