Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize