i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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