Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
