One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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