id be glad to
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need to calm my uterus...
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