girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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