you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
