I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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