I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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