Nicole vs. Life
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
