Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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