You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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