I wanna bring you to show and tell
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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