Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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