I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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