i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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