when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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