We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
