Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize