i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
