my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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