my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I want is dick and wine.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize